Have you ever heard the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20?” If so, how did that make you feel? Could you relate to it? Maybe it immediately made you think about something that had happened to you in the past? Even years ago?
Yeah, same here. So many emotions. It hits you like a brick wall. But… in the best way (that a brick wall could).
Because when people say, “Hindsight is 20/20,” something amazing has happened to them underneath the surface level mess. Something beautiful, where all these seemingly random puzzle pieces in their life have come together to reveal the final result.
The grand finale.
Friend, it’s happened to me, and I have to share….
An Ordinary Life, an Extraordinary God
My name is Hannah Keaton, an ordinary homemaker with a wonderful husband, Cody, and two amazing daughters, Abigail and Annamae. However ordinary I may label myself, we live for an extraordinary God, and strongly believe He reveals Himself in all types of circumstances, works through His people, and has our wellbeing in His mind—all for His glory.
And in March 2024, He revealed Himself through opening up a wound in my heart and in our marriage. Through the Lord’s guidance, prayer, dinner discussions with our daughters about their sibling, and conversations with friends, we have healed.
Beauty in brokenness.
A Special Tea
My dear friend, Abigail Johnston, put together a special tea to pray and share her vision of Precious Life Pod, alongside the most gracious hostess, Jackie Pegram. It was beautiful, warm, inviting—everything an afternoon tea should be.
I was touched, so moved by this vision of celebrating an early life, because it had happened to us.
We had lost a sweet baby at seven weeks gestation in August 2017.
Sharing My Story
I had shared this with Abigail just a week or so before this tea and some of the details that encompassed our dark time. But friends, the Holy Spirit met me in Jackie’s living room, and I shared a brief version of our story to all that were there.
Now, let me tell you, I do not like public speaking and will do all I can to serve others behind the scenes during events like this…as long as I do not have to get up in front of people.
But I did.
And I know He gave me the strength to do that and I fully believe He put the words in my mouth, in that moment, because I do not remember what I said. I only know that that room was filled with His love and loving strangers, crying along with me.
Beauty in brokenness.
An Unopened Door
I drove home afterward fully aware something big had just happened. I wasn’t sure what exactly, but I knew God had revealed to me (and later to Cody when I shared what had happened) the hidden secret in our marriage…
We never properly let ourselves go through the grief process after we lost our baby.
Suppressing the Pain
At first, I was surprised at my stronger, raw emotions about that time in August 2017, but I quickly realized that I had never felt permission to talk aloud about our loss. Even to Cody, my husband, and especially to our family, it was uncomfortable to talk, no one knew what to say, quick diversions to positive remarks, and in the end I had secretly told myself I was alone and I shut down.
I didn’t try to talk about the baby anymore.
I “dealt with” my emotions within myself and told no one.
Yeah, right. There’s no “dealing with it” alone.
The Lord’s Revelation
The Lord turned the metaphorical key to my secret closet inside my mind, exposing all the mess. Clearly, I had stuffed my experience and emotions in a mental box and locked it away in a mental closet in the deepest depths of my mind and mama bear heart.
Out of love for His child, He turned the knob to that forsaken door, and the contents spewed out—raw and recent like it had just happened yesterday.
Revisiting Grief
The tea had been held on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and for that day and days to follow, I was mentally grieving our loss all over again. Pure deep sadness.
Then Wednesday morning came, and I woke up angry.
But it was a confusing anger. I wasn’t exactly sure who or what my anger was directed towards. Not Cody, not God. Maybe the injustice of it all? Maybe the lack of cultural/medical/religious support for women? Maybe it was unspoken apathy from society?
The Voice of God
While driving the girls and I home from their swim lessons, the anger became unbearable. I kept thinking over and over, “Why am I so freaking mad? I hate this! I thought I was over this! I thought I took care of this!”
Through my mental temper tantrum, a loud voice filled my mind.
As if God Himself was riding right beside me in the front passenger seat of my minivan, He calmly said, “You did that without Me. You tried doing it without Me.”
Cue Tears
Gushing waterfalls flowed down from my eyes and neck. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and continued driving, the girls not knowing that God was very much present and He had given their mother a beautifully hard revelation.
Exposure.
A Beautiful Revelation
My sin was revealed to me. Sin of control, the craving of protection, and a secret victim mentality for years—all revolving around our loss.
A theophany, as our pastor says. A direct word from God, a manifestation.
After putting the girls to bed that night, I told Cody everything. I mean EVERYTHING.
He teared up with me and replied, “That’s awesome. So good. That’s proof you’re in His hand. And this house, this house is covered.”
Cue more tears, thanking God together for this gift.
Sharing with a Friend
The next day, the girls and I met with a few church friends at a playground for our weekly hangout.
I was not going to mention anything about Precious Life Pod, my mental roller coaster, my revelation from God… I knew I would break down on that happy public playground, and it felt uncomfortable. Too fresh, too raw, too recent.
But one of those sweet mama friends—she has a way of looking at people with such genuine love and care—when she asked how my week was going…
Cue… not tears… but word vomit.
Something in me spilled EVERYTHING.
(Then cue semi-controlled tears.)
This friend listened, hugged me, and shared with me that she too had, not one but two, infant losses and knew my feelings well.
I left the playground that afternoon feeling so happy.
Elated. Seen. Loved.
Specific Friends for a Purpose
Our church friends are so special to us. They are truly like family, and on my way home I was feeling extra thankful for them.
While driving, once again, God met me. His voice, clear as crystal, said, “See, I gave you specific friends.”
Cue happy tears.
God Glimmers
There have been so many God glimmers since then.
Little glimpses of heaven coming down to earth. Little tastes of Him. Through comments in conversations, articles and posts on social media, stories of friends and mutual friends, and words from Sunday sermons.
He is working.
He is making something good for His glory from dark heartache and physical hurt and loss.
Hindsight is God’s Vision
The best part, the most exciting in my mind, is that this is NOT FINISHED!
There’s more healing to come. Earthside and forevermore in our Heavenly home with our Heavenly Father.
So, friend, if this is your story too, Hindsight is not just 20/20.
Hindsight is seeing 20/20 vision into God’s heart. His will, His kindness, and His glory.
Connecting the puzzle pieces of loss, hardships, conversations, beautiful moments, pain, and everything in between into a beautiful masterpiece that God is creating in and around you.
His Greater Story
It is your story.
And it is a part of His greater story. The One True Story that we are all wrapped in where He loved us so much that He sent His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to live a perfect life, die a sacrificial death in our place, so that one day we can live in the final chapter of His Story with Him.
What a breathtaking, overwhelming love!
And while we wait for that glorious day, let’s share our puzzle pieces. Listen to one another. Welcome each other into those hard moments of our lives.
We are not meant to bear the weight of this world alone.
Scripture for Encouragement
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
—2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Love,
Hannah Keaton
